I said that I would give myself a year. A year to embark on the most epic journey of self-discovery. A year to learn what brings me joy, while staying mindful of when happiness escapes. A year without commitments. A year without obligations. A year to recreate the vision that lies before me.
Trying to understand who I am has been like sifting through a hundred drawers in search for one, small key. Then I find this key and it opens a door. Through this door is another room with another hundred drawers and another small key. Although it has simultaneously been the most wonderful and daunting expedition that I have ever pursued, it wasn’t until challenging my fears did I learn the complexities of my inner thoughts.
For almost the entire month, I had reduced my life from two bags to one. The simplicity of carrying only necessities was a freedom unlike anything I had ever experienced. Sleeping in the mountains, temples, schools, and even abandoned floors of apartment buildings truly challenged my previous expectations of how traveling was supposed to be.
Interestingly enough, it wasn’t waking up in the middle of the night to a pack of dogs growling at me, it wasn’t being so far away and disconnected from the world, and it wasn’t the spiders crawling near my head or the ants in my sleeping bag that scared me. It was seeing how truly amazing and wonderful the world really is.
That scared me.
I had always loved traveling, but these experiences catapulted my desire to explore the entirety of this planet. To climb every mountain and swim beneath every waterfall. To camp under the stars and and wake up for every sunrise. To sit with the locals as they share stories in a language that I don’t understand, but I nod my head anyway. I want to go where the road ends and all that’s left are fields and flowers and tall stalks of corn swaying in the wind. I want to play pickup on a field made of sticks and shoes and whatever else the kids could find. I want to dance in the rain as I listen to the song that somebody wrote. Every chord, every beat, every melody played with precision and care. I want to collect a million keychains to give as a small token of gratitude to those I meet along the way. I want to write a book about how there is always light, even in the darkest of times. How a rainbow waits shyly behind the clouds waiting for its moment to shine because then everyone will stop. Cars will pull over to the side of the road as umbrellas fold and heads gaze towards the sky captivated by such magic. There is so much out there to do and see and explore and that’s what Taiwan has shown me. The precious value, uncertainty, and finiteness of time; and now, that’s what I fear me the most.
However, this is simply my personal reflection as I prepare for another month of change. For those who have been following, I cannot thank you enough. I don’t think I could ever find enough the right words to fully express my gratitude.
As always, you will hear from me soon.