The Chronicles of a Sugar Daddy
The Man Who Wants to Provide
Name: Matthew (name has been changed to protect this person’s identity)
Relationship Status: Single
Occupation: Business Analyst
Annual Income: US $90,000
It was a chilly Tuesday evening in Eden Prairie, Minnesota as I pulled into the Kona Grill parking lot feeling slightly nauseous because Siri decided we were going to take the scenic route. Back roads are nice— unless you are prone to motion sickness. Thanks Siri.
Before leaving my car I reread a text from Matthew saying, “I’m literally right when you walk in.” There were currently three men sitting by themselves among the scattered tables. After a quick game of ‘eeni meeni miney mo,’ I picked the casually dressed gentleman closest to me. Matthew had posted a few pictures of himself online but I was actually surprised at how attractive he was in person. Even he acknowledged to not being the most photogenic.
We broke the ice with familiar topics such as hometowns, interests, and menu items. Right away I noticed the word “family” tattooed on his right forearm and “Christ” on the other which seemed ironic given the nature of the topic that we were about to discuss. After a couple minutes of easy conversation, I asked if we could talk about his experiences with using an “arranged relationship” website.
“This is going to remain anonymous, right?” He asked, fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair.
After I assured him that his anonymity would be protected, his muscles relaxed and he exhaled a sigh of relief. He then proceeded to describe several of the women he met through the website— estimated to be about 30 and counting.
“My girlfriend and I just broke up after eight months. We met through the website. She was so broken and didn’t understand what it meant to be happy. She judged the value of our relationship based on the number of times we had sex that week. Eventually it got to a point beyond repair.”
As the interview continued, I couldn’t help but compare him to Eugene. Even though there were many similarities Matthew was more willing to pay women for their time. Sometimes the women charged anywhere from $50-$100 per date, including dinner. Occasionally, a lot of women didn’t want money at all, just a casual hook-up with no strings attached.
“Even the women who charge up front eventually stop around date three,” he smiled. “Almost always feelings will develop on some end; usually theirs. Recently I offered to pay a woman $280 for a total of five dates knowing that she will stop after the third or fourth date. A lot of the girls on the website are either beauty queens or have daddy issues. They want one of two things; They want someone who has their shit together, or to change a bad boy. Some enjoy being pampered with shopping trips, massages, etc. while others really do need the money.”
“What are you willing to provide?” I asked.
“I will help with fender benders, traffic tickets, books, or anything like that. Just like my dad, sometimes a man needs to step up, take care, and provide for those he cares about. Besides, I have nothing else to spend my money on.”
Slightly confused by Matthew’s shy demeanor yet confident persona, I asked about his childhood and family dynamics growing up.
“When I was younger, my family didn’t become financially comfortable until I was 14. I grew up working three jobs so I never had time for a serious relationship. I also was not very attractive, didn’t have many friends, and the only reason people knew me was because I was good at sports. Girls were only interested in me so they could brag about having sex with a great athlete. Eventually I learned that people only like me when they want something. Therefore, I have to make myself worth something.”
Underneath Matthew’s confidence were repressed insecurities. He described his new obsession with the kink world. He insisted that his fascination with dominance was not a vendetta he has towards women but rather a form of intimacy he prefers. However, anytime someone enjoys inflicting pain in a sensual way you can’t help but want to understand why.
“My biggest fear is waking up alone when I am 40,” he continued. “But I don’t know how to date outside of this website anymore. It’s all I'm used to. I can’t help but feel like it’s making me more cynical. Now, I constantly wonder whether people actually like me or are just using me for my money.”
The restaurant grew quieter and the remaining tables began to empty. He walked me to my car, shook my hand, and said goodbye. Even though Matthew did not date by traditional standards, he was genuinely seeking a connection, love, and a partner to spend the rest of his life with.
He was simply afraid to end up living his life alone.
Coming Soon: "The Man Who Wants To Feel Needed" AND an update on life in Kazakhstan